


8 times i cried because of you... (and once you cried for me)

by channcheshire



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: BecauseDinoxAllismyweakness, ChanHaoisonlymentioned, Lee Chan | Dino-centric, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-16
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-02-29 21:54:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18786967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/channcheshire/pseuds/channcheshire
Summary: I  can guarantee you that in all the time that we have known each other, you have always considered me like your little weeping friend, without knowing that the biggest cause of all my cries has been you ...So far in our lives, I've only cried 8 times in a real way and they've all been for you. Will the eighth be the last?





	1. First time

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first work where I have Chan as a protagonist and my first work in general. English is not my first language so I apologize in advance for the grammar, do not hesitate to mark my mistakes so in that way I can improve.
> 
> I can only say, enjoy ...and Chan deserves more fanfics!

The first time was when we were 5 and 8 years old respectively, I have never been able to understand how, despite our age difference, we were able to become best friends.

Maybe it was because at that time the town where we live were only a few children of our age, that you were a foreigner and a very shy person did not help you to make more friends.

That's why at my 5 years I had my first friend only because you became my neighbor.

I remember it as if it had been yesterday. I was playing with some cars in my backyard when a loud sound was heard throughout the neighborhood and a large truck was seen from the fence.

That night during dinner my father mentioned that we had new neighbors, he said something about coming from another country, something that sounded like Chiine or something like that. At that time I was too small to know where was that country and I did not care where he came from I just wanted a little friend with whom I could finally go out and play.

That same night my mother warned me that tomorrow we would visit the new neighbors to bring them some cake and welcome them.

I did not object, I was curious about you.

The first thing I have to say is that your house was really weird. It had many decorations that I had only seen in the catalogs that my parents use for decoration of their Chinese food business, and it smelled different. Your mother came to meet us with a smile but that did not take away my discomfort, I felt like I was in a new unknown and dangerous place but only lasted until I could see a child hidden between the legs of the owner of the house.

\- Say hello, don't be shy.

Your mother's voice was definitely warm. I can even say that the songs she sang to you to sleep sounded better than the ones my mom sang for me but never tell her because my mother would kill me for sure if she found out.

From the beginning I knew you were older, I mean, for a child of your age you were undoubtedly skinny and short, someone who looked small but at that time I was a little bean so I can not complain either.

I must say that we became friends very easily, we were calm children but when we got together we were a couple of tornadoes that destroyed everything in their path. I must argue that thanks to us our families became very close.

But in the end, your remembers will be much better detailed than mine, between us you are the one who has the best memory.

What I really want to tell you was the first time I cried because of you, it was not great, but because is the first, it will always have an important place in my memories.

Do you remember that time when our parents built us a tree house?

We live so many adventures in that place but the one that is coolest in my memory is that time when we wanted to steal a few juices from the fridge before lunch, we managed to get them out but halfway up the stairs, the voice of your mother, stop us, you panicked and started to blame me, so much was your desperation to seem innocent that you started making several gestures that caused the ladder to swing, and in a bad move you caused me to slip.

Oh, my God. The pain was unbearable and to make matters worse you just started to whimper harder because according to you "my arm had been turned in another way", stupid you scared me, idiot. Because in reality I only broke my shoulder.

Our mothers immediately ran out when they heard so much noise, just to find me lying on the ground writhing in pain meanwhile you still hanging from the stairs asking for forgiveness.

"Don't die Channie, I know I was a liar and it was also my idea that we stole the juices but don't leave me"

To tell the truth, all the feelings came together, the reproachful look of our mothers, the pain in my shoulder and the laughter I had of seeing you crying in such a silly way. So unconsciously I started crying with you, seeing that you quickly descended to hug me provoking me more pain as soon you touched me.

Yes, you were an idiot but that action was very kind, kindly stupid.

I still remember that I had to spend 2 months with my arm in a cast and our parents punished us for weeks. And it wasn't for stealing the juices, it was for not being careful and causing disasters like that.

Oh, I can not complain, I just appreciate that the definition of punishment for our parents was locked us in the house watching TV while we drank the juices that caused everything.

Our childhood was good Jun ... Why couldn't we be children forever?


	2. Second Time

The second will always be my favorite, I think it's the only one I've cried for full happiness. And no, do not get confused, in some of the others I might feel happy but it was mixed with other feelings not only happiness.

Who would say that all would be the fault of your cousin Minghao? I have to admit that at that time I held a grudge for a while, ha, it is ironic that now he is one of the few pillars that allow me to maintain a reason to live.

It started because of you because you were determined to follow him everywhere since he came to visit. I remember how excited you were for the visit of your distant cousin whom you wanted as a younger brother.

You even asked me to accompany you and your family to pick it up. What was my first impression? Easy: "It doesn't look anything like my Jun Hyung"

And yes, apparently at the age of 11 I was already mature enough to accept my feelings. In that time I already knew that the love I had for you was not that normal affection of friends.

I love you, you have no idea how much.

You were a hero to me, the one who every time people asked me what I want to be when I was big, i said:  
"I want to be a good a person as Jun Hyung"

At that time in which your cousin visited us, you fell from my grace in a tailspin. You left me for him!

Every time I went to look for you, you told me you couldn't because you already had plans with Hao Hao.

That nickname, I hated it with all my soul. Even have to admit that every time I went home without your company (because after school you said you were going to martial arts classes with Minghao) I was kicking stones while muttering in a mocking voice;

"I cannot come with you to Channie because I have to go with Hao Hao, blah, blah"

Now writing this I feel embarrassed by my childish attitudes, but c'mon! We used to be together, like light and shadow and someone breaking our routine in that way ... damn, it hurts like hell.

Of course, it was not your fault, you just thought you were taking care of your cousin, and you thought that a few hours that you wouldn't spend with me would not matter to me.

Unfortunately, you didn't know that you were wrong or at least you didn't know the first weeks, then your own intelligence gave you the signal that something was wrong between us.

You may have noticed because I started to avoid you, or the bad looks I sent to the poor Min... or that i did not pass by your house anymore maybe that three combined.

I remember how you confronted me, you have always been a direct person. You dated me in the old tree house but I did not show up. I can say my pride is strong ... or it was, now it's just a sketch of something I do not have.

Anyway, going back to the anecdote ...

You did not give up, went to my house without permission (because my mother did not open the door for you) I still remember how you gave me a strong blow to the shoulder and then hugged me, at that moment I could feel the tears accrue on the edge of my eyes, I didn't allow them to leave.

\- You're stupid Channie.

"You still had the courage to insult me after leaving me for a long time" I thought or might have said it because you smirked and you hug me more strongly.

\- Apparently, I'm not the smartest person. I'm sorry, I didn't think it would affect you that much, but I want you to know that ... I'll never abandoned you Chan. I can love Hao a lot - I grimaced because you corrected yourself with a mocking smile - I mean Minghao, but you are the first person I care about, always. You should see how much I talked to my cousin about you. In fact, he was the one who advised me to give you your personal space because he told me i overprotected you a lot and you would end up getting tired of me.

He take my face to face him, the tears were about to come out and I know you noticed it.

\- But apparently, I'm not the only one who likes our relationship as it is. Can you forgive me?

I couldn't help it anymore, the words were so beautiful. I swear that many times I had dreams where you said that and in the end you confessed to me.

This situation did not end with a confession but your words were very lovely. You even wiped my tears gently with the edge of your fingers.

\- I love you stupid hyung.

You smiled

-And I love you too my naively adorable dongsaeng.-

From that day our friendship strengthened and I began to get along better with Minnie. I even gave him that nickname.

In these times i only ask me ... if in those years our friendship would have ended, could I have avoided the pain that I would suffer afterward?

Most likely, yes, but in these times, taking account of everything I have done in this life, I can deduce that my earnings have been more than my losses, so everything has been worth it.

Although of course, I was always terrible in accounting.


	3. third time

You have always been smart.

I understood it every time when you helped me with the tasks of trigonometry that I didn't understand. Or every time when you watched those tv shows that ask anything random, you answered 9 out of 10 questions, I answered the last one only because that usually was of public knowledge of art.

At that moment you high five with me, giving me one of your bright smiles and you said "We are a good team" after that you sit down again and put a fistful of popcorn in your mouth while you said "we should compete one time in those shows" I told you that it was impossible and we would surely fail because you would get nervous, you beat me friendly and then maked a pout "Trust more in my Channie".

Now i know you were right, we were a good team. We were.

But it had to break, we parted.

At first, our ages could finally found something to make us a problem. You graduated first.

I know you would have waited for me, and I even heard rumors that you fought with your parents because you thought to reject all those scholarships that came to you to study at the town's university. The reason for the popular vote was me, you did not want to leave me.

I must accept that since that time I was already selfish because I was happy, i loved being the person for whom you were willing to put aside your opportunities.

That means that you cared for me as much as i did for you.

That's why when I found out that you finally decided on a university and it was on Seoul, I felt as if millions of daggers had been stabbed me in my back.

At those times i do not acted like a high school kid, if not as a whimsical little child.

I remember that you wanted to tell me face to face but every time you started to touch the subject I got an excuse and ran out of there.

I want to think that that was my form of defense ... as long as it did not come from your lips, it was not true.

That's why I ran away without caring about anything when at a dinner our families did to celebrate your graduation you informed everyone that you were accepted into one of the main universities in Seoul and that you could follow your dream of becoming a great film director.

Everyone congratulated you and hugged you but your eyes stayed fixed on me. I was petrified, I could not pretend more dementia.

I escaped from there.

I heard the voice of my parents scolding me for such an outburst but over all the voices, yours rose up shouting my name. Even so, I did not stop.

"You lied, you said you would never leave me, you liar." I thought about those moments.

It took hours to find me, which was a funny thing because I hid in the first place that everyone should suspect.

You went up to the little treehouse, i heard the creak from the old wood of the stairs.  
There I was, curled up in one of the puffs that our parents used as decoration, precisely in the purple that was the one that you always used.

They were already old and somewhat dusty, after all how long we had been without entering that place. 3 years? That did not matter to you because you pulled mine (the blue puff) and you dropped by my side.

We spent minutes in silence and I'm almost sure that both of us felt as if they would spend hours.

-So you're leaving ...

I murmured in a slightly broken voice.

\- Yes ... - I did not need to know more and you understood it, so with frustration you sighed and stared at me - We are adults Chan, we must see for our future and although I would love to stay here to see you every day, I must think in what I will do next.

That took me by surprise, you never got mad at me, so you did not scream at me either, not until now.

\- B-But ... you said - I knew that my complaints were childish but I still said them - You promised that you would always be with me! Did you lie? Damn liar!

I cried out in tears as I beat your chest with fists closed, you with a simple movement held my hands stopping me.

\- You're acting like a child! It's not like I'm going to stop seeing you forever, I'll come visit you and we'll keep in touch.

I mocked "Pfft yes of course, what you say, liar" And you interpreted it well.

-Channie please, I want to enjoy my last week here, with you. - You begged without realizing your mistake.

-One week, you were going to go in a week ...

-No! I wanted to tell you but you avoided me and ...

-Congratulations! Have a great time in Seoul.

I exclaimed with rage, coming down from there without listening to your words. After that meeting we did not see each other again ... not until a year later, and yes, I still regret that.

The last day before your departure, i reconsidered, I did not want our last talk to be like that but when I finish understanding, you have already gone to the airport, I try to reache you, I swear.

That day I had decided to explain to you why my actions and confess my feelings but i don't arrive on time.

It could have been those 5 minutes that the taxi took in the traffic, that I did not run fast enough, or that's just what destiny wanted but that day you left and I never saw you again in person until I left high school and enter in the same university.

It cost me a lot, I raised my grades and I got an artistic scholarship for dance and I did everything for you, to see you again.

How was our reunion? Well that's the fourth reason for my tears, right?

**Author's Note:**

> As this is a story that I already have on another platform, written in my original language, the updates will be quick if everything goes according to the plans, soon I will upload the next part.


End file.
